Today I’m going to share a real, raw unedited video about some of my journey over the last 4 years.
Normally I keep this stuff to myself but I’ve decided to share it as I know there are a lot of others who are facing their own challenges.
And if I can help someone else to get there then that would be great.
I decided to do it today because this day marks a big turning point in my life.
Through letting go of the things I can’t change I have opened up the doors to new opportunities and adventures.
I am feeling like my real self again and it is exciting.
For the last 4 years I have been fighting a huge battle & overcoming obstacle after obstacle a result of the 2011 Christchurch Earthquakes.
Every single day from that devastating moment I have forced myself to get up, put a smile on my face and pretend to the world that all was okay when all I really wanted to do was curl up and die.
There was no point telling anyone about my pain, my losses and how I felt because it was always the same they would quickly tell me how very lucky I was….I was alive.
Well lucky didn’t cut it….I sure didn’t feel lucky.
Yes I am very grateful for my life and I do value it everyday but the cost physically, mentally, emotionally has been huge.
I have arrived at this day my body totally broken, I have been brought down to my knees. I have nothing left but my spirit which refused to die.
I cursed it everyday and wished I could give up but no that spirit wouldn’t listen and I forced myself to get up each day with a heavy heart and a huge anxiety knot in my stomach.
Feeling vulnerable was new to me I have never allowed myself to be this way I saw it as a weakness.
It was a huge challenge for me to accept any help from others. I hated being in this place; it made me feel physically ill.
I am a giver, not a receiver and it was not a comfortable place that I found myself in but allowing others into my life when I would previously have shut them out has been a bog lesson to me.
I am very grateful for the love and support I have had from everyone in my life.
I have learnt that our journey is not meant to be taken alone and that it is much easier if you share the load.
Some of the aspects and challenges that have arisen from the earthquakes I have not been able to change no matter what I have tried to do.
Some things are no different today than they were 4 years ago.
So it meant I had to take a step back and bring some perspective and reality into my situation and look at what I could do ….because the fact is I can’t change what has happened to me but I have a choice as to what I am going to do about it.
Your life is your life and no matter what challenge has been dealt to you – whatever adversity you have to overcome it is up to you to face it.
You have to let go of what you can’t change and take control of what you can.
I have always had the faith, the belief and I always had hope but until I got the courage to let go of what I couldn’t change I was stuck in that dark pit of hell.
I knew I had to walk away, let go and be free to be me.
That I had to jump off the ledge and know that I would fly.
Today my smile is a real genuine smile not a pretend one.
I am filled with excitement now that I have let go of all that rubble and it can no longer control me.
There is just me now standing bare and exposed but I know I can do anything I want and I can live the life that I want now that I have chosen to dump that heavy baggage that was weighing me down.
So my message to you today is…
Keep the faith, the belief and know that you can get to where you want to go – when you decide you want to get there.
Live life to the full everyday….be an unstoppable person!!
Here’s to new adventures!!